Faithbase

Guys, how you doing tonight? Awesome. If you guys don't have a chair, there's plenty of chairs up here in the front, over here, over here. This is gonna be a two hour long message, so I really recommend you guys sit. I'm just kidding, it's not gonna be two hours. Should be 15 minutes. So real quick, something that I really kind of passed through real quick, the Lock In Lock Out, we're going to Urban Air, Main Event, and Cool Sports. And it's gonna be an awesome worship program as well, and it's gonna be from 9 p.m. all the way till seven o'clock in the morning the next day. It is an event that you do not want to miss out, okay? Definitely bring your caffeinated drinks, if you're allowed to drink them, Mountain Dew or anything like that, and get charged up for, or Monster, yeah, and get ready to get charged up for a really awesome night. So last week, we talked about friends and how you get to choose them. If you like someone, they become your friend, and if you don't get along with somebody, you set them free and move along. If things change, you have a falling out, you get upset, or maybe, I don't know, they ended up getting a little too close to your ex, then you remove them from your group message, unfollow them on Instagram. Just kidding, you don't unfollow them because you want to stalk them, right? Is that the rule? No, okay, no, I'm just kidding. But families, today we get to talk about families, and they come in all shape and sizes. Some of you come from big families, some of you come from small families, some blended families as well. Some of you come from single-parent families, step-parents, adoptive parents, sister, brother, only child. Maybe your grandparents are raising you. And it used to be very simple back in the days as far as the family dynamics, and now a lot of things have definitely changed in the family dynamics because of the access to the internet and the access to culture and media. But whether you like it or not, your family is part of your community. So here's a picture of my family. I want to show you a picture of my family. That's me. It's pretty blurry, as you can tell. You can tell that my mom literally took a picture of a picture. You see that? See the outline of the frame? Bless her heart. So there's me, my two sisters, and my mom and my dad. And then here's another photo of us. If it's there, it's kind of, the saturation is up there a little bit. There's little old me. And that's my family. And the family I grew up, I realize now that despite how dysfunctional my family was, today I am largely of who I am. I am as a product of my friends and the family and how I grew up and how I was raised. I don't know about your family experience, but God uses every circumstances, good, bad, ugly, and no matter what you're going through, he's gonna use it to shape you and to mold you. And it often starts and flows through with your family. So let's just talk about some realities about family. So let's just put this out real quick. No family is perfect. My family was perfect, not at all. Neither is yours, neither is yours, neither is yours. So you look at somebody's friends' family, you're probably like, man, they have such a cool dad. Man, they have such a cool mom. But they have such a cool family. But let me tell you that it's probably not all what it seems. That family's probably just better at hiding some things because every family has their dysfunction. So this past week, I was thinking about even just Jesus and how Mary and Joseph was raising him. And then Jesus had a brother. Mary had another son called James, I got it. And so you can imagine how Mary goes up to James like, why can't you just be more like your brother? And then Jesus smiles and just floats away or something like that. And then James is like, oh, come on, how the heck am I even supposed to compete with that? And then here's some other classic couple of example of brokenness in families that is in the Bible as well. So first of all, favorite kid syndrome. Let's just talk about that real quick. You know, I know that for me, I know that I really haven't received a bad end on that because I was the favorite kid. I was the youngest, I was the baby of the family. And there's probably some siblings in here that's probably like, yeah, that's you or whatever. And if you guys know that in the Old Testament, there's a story about Joseph and the coat of many colors. Maybe you know it as the Technicolor Dreamcoat. You know, there was a musical out there like that. And that story is based on the fact that Joseph was the favorite kid out of the 12 siblings of his family. So here's what it says in Genesis 37, verses three to four. It says, Jacob, his father, loved Joseph more than any of his children because Joseph had been born to him in his old age. So one day, Jacob had a special gift made just for Joseph, a beautiful robe. But his brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them. They couldn't say not one kind word to him. It literally explains it all pretty simple. They just did not like the guy. They hated him. Their family was broken. And another example of brokenness in the Bible is where sibling rivalry. Now, when I say sibling rivalry, and you think of the Bible, what story comes to your mind? Cain and Abel, there you go. That's the number one hitter right there. Adam and Eve, the first humans on Earth, and then they had two sons, Cain and Abel. They did not get along, and the sibling rivalry was so intense that it got to the point that Cain murdered his brother, Abel. Here's the first four people in the world really setting up us in a great way to succeed. I can't imagine how 2022 is gonna look like. So all families are broken, and even in the Bible shows that families are broken. And you know your family history. You know their quirks, their brokenness, and some families, like I said, covered them up better than others, okay? So let's just take a look at the word dysfunction, for example, because I've been saying that a lot. So dysfunction, so let's lay it. It's a simple concept. It means that something isn't functioning as it should. So think about it. Broken people make up every broken family. So every family is dysfunctional. Every family is broken. And still, your family is part of the community around you, whether you want to admit it or not. So here's another concept that I wanna just provide some framework here. Your parents or whoever's your main caretaker, they're broken people too. In fact, while I was researching today, I came across some pretty interesting parents in our culture and our media. And I'm just gonna do what really grinds my gear segment, if you don't mind, real quick. So check out this first parent. You got the fairly odd parents. What the heck is their problem? I mean, they literally, Timmy's doing all this crazy stuff, and then the babysitter is yelling like as if she lost something in her mind. And they're like, oh yeah, that's great, kids, kids. And they just go off and then they just, they're the parent that is oblivious to everything. Okay, now let's check out this next couple of parents. Now, this one was interesting to me. I'll be honest with you, this kind of even triggered me a little bit. That dude did the best he can, all right? Yeah, he raised her to be a mom, like a death killer of some kind, and then took the mom to some type of experimental lab, and then abandoned them at the age of young, but he did the best. You too got triggered. Yeah, we gotta talk later about this, just letting you know. This is too much, it's too much. This is my grind my gear segment, all right? And then the mom, she was the cool one, I guess, but she came through at the end. I don't wanna ruin the, but you know. So then those two parents, obviously they weren't her biological parents, so they try to step in that role. And obviously they were kind of placed together, but even there was a weird part in the movie where he was just trying to be there for his girls, but his girls were not having it. So let's check out these two other famous parents that we all know, you know? Parent, Parents of the Year Award goes to them. What type of mother would forget their child by the time they get to the airport, twice? I don't know what home alone they're on now, but whatever, many times. I just don't understand it. Literally, you guys remember that scene? She's like, did we forget this? Did we forget that? Get in! You know, it was intense. I don't know, it's like somebody probably should have said, hey, onsetting Alzheimer's, or what is it, Alzheimer's? Early onset Alzheimer's, anybody? Okay, and now let's just check out this last, sorry guys for the scream. Now, let me tell you guys something. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You guys need to hear this, my thoughts about these parents. You guys really think that Dora's parents are some pretty tripped up people? What kind of parent will allow an eight-year-old to go around the world with a talking monkey named Boots? She had a map? A map? I'm a map? You may not know this. This is, look, check this out. On this episode of Dysfunctional Family, they were a happy family, but then, you know, cue inverse picture, and then they were not, you know? So, I'm just showing you guys some pretty cultural families out there that we've probably seen on TV, and even they had their dysfunctions. You know, everybody brings their own personality, their brokenness, likes and dislikes into the family. So, you bring your anger, your rage, your lust, whatever you got cooking in your brain and your emotions, and your parents included. Like, you guys, these are older human beings raising younger ones. So, when are we gonna realize, like, man, I can't even deal with me sometimes, you know? So, then you got another older human being trying to understand where they're at their own life, and then raising another one. It's tough, guys. So, you don't get to control what family you are in or who your parents are, but you do get to choose, and here's where we're gonna start out the learning, the lesson. You get to choose how to treat them. So, whether you wanna be in your family or not, your parents are your community, you know? And we are called to love them like Jesus has called us to love others as well. So, I don't wanna just end it there, but I wanna give you guys some tips and just some tools in your hands. So, no families are perfect, we already said that, and we're all dysfunctional and parents messed up, but we are called to love them, we're called to show them Jesus in our lives, and we're called to obey our parents, and we're called to participate in that community to help them flourish. And you're probably like, me? Like, me as a teenager, me in high school, I'm supposed to help my parents flourish in some type of way? Like, yeah, you're, as much as they are part of your journey, you are part of theirs. Who's that? So, here's some good news. I believe you have a role, and if you guys wanna take the, are taking notes, you are called in creating peace in your family, and I think each one of us shares that responsibility in this. So, just like you bring in the bad parts and the dysfunction and the dysfunctional parts of the family, you also can bring in the good. So, here's how you can create peace in your family. But before I give you the keys here, let me lay some groundwork here. Don't let how you feel determine how you act. Your parents, siblings might make you angry, upset, frustrated, sad, embarrassed sometimes, but remember, they're your family, they're your community. And here's what I wanna give to you guys, some information. Communicating boundaries within families still requires respect for one another. Self-control of our emotions go a very long way when trying to communicate needs and wants. It's a very important statement, I'm gonna say it again. Self-control of our emotions go a long way when trying to communicate needs and wants. So, if little Timmy is in his room with the door closed and his parents walk in, it's like, they open the door and they say, hey, we're gonna go to work, but then for some reason, they just didn't close it and little Timmy goes, hey, you forgot to close my door! I get it, I get it too, just, I remember when, every time my mom entered my room, it irked me, like, dude, you knew the door was closed when you walked in. I don't get it, I just don't get it. But it's the way, how we communicate with respect. They're human beings just like you. Would you want them to treat you with respect? Let's just set that tone of how we're gonna be now taking to these keys. So, here are four ways to create peace in your family. Listening and understanding creates peace. At first, I only put listening creates peace, but here's the thing, you all have done the whole, oh, I'm about, I'm listening to you talk, I'm about to rev up, I already know what to say, that come back, but listening and understanding what the person is saying creates peace. That means when they're talking, when your parents are talking, when your teacher are talking, or even when your friends are talking, this is a very key concept in any type of communication of relationships, it's not just to listen so you can speak up, it's to listen so that you can understand the person, where they're at. So, James 1.19 says, you must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. It is easier to stay at a point where you are not angry while you're listening to somebody, and trying to get to understanding, than for you to already make assumptions and already get your emotions high up and your gears on and off, there's a mountain of cheese coming, trying to get back, get back, cheese, no way, than for you to get angry, like, no, no, and get riled up, and then try to make your point, but, I mean, if you know you, you know that it's probably hard for somebody to, when they're angry, to come back down on an earthly level to try to have a conversation with, it's hard. So, then the next one, kindness and generosity creates peace. We see it all the time in social media, acts of kindness, guy has a $100 bill, here, I'll buy all the flowers you have, and she's crying, and then, you know what, take all the flowers back, and she probably didn't even want the flowers back at first, I'm just saying, and then it's such a great act of kindness, and then we see all these videos, and it's in social media, but then what happens in intimate moments, behind the scene, when the cameras are not rolling between friends and family, are we being kind, are we being generous with how we speak to one another, with how we respect each other? with each other at times and how are we communicating. Proverbs 15, 27 says, greed brings grief to the whole family, but those who hate bribes will live. And basically it's saying like, your pride has to move out of the way if you wanna be friends with somebody. Your pride has to move out of the way if you're trying to have a healthy relationship with your parents, your grandparents, with the people around you. When greed comes into your life in the form of pride in other ways, it overflows and guess what? People don't like ugly. And I'm not talking about physical appearance, I'm talking about how you act. People will straight up not wanna be around you. And I'm not just talking about having a bad day. All right, so we're at number three. Respect and trust creates peace. Proverbs 11, 29 says, those who bring trouble on their families will inherit the win. The fool will be a servant to the wise. So earlier I already said the foundation about communication, we gotta respect and trust in one another. And I'm gonna be real with you guys. Trust and respect goes a long way. And it takes some time to, trust takes time to be built. But I wanna challenge you guys real quick. If you don't know somebody, do you need to respect them in order to have a friendship or some type of relationship? Do you have to be like, hey Jamie, you know what? I have no idea who you are, so I'm gonna decide whether to respect you already or not to respect you. Is that fair? I don't think that's fair. You're already setting that relationship up for failure. You know, we should approach our relationship with treating each other with respect. And now we're gonna be talking about boundaries, of course, when they're crossed. But for a moment, let's pause there. And the last tip, and I told you guys I was gonna talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness creates peace. So Ephesians 4 says, instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. You guys saw those pictures of my family. And I don't know if you guys noticed, in the first picture, it was all five of us, the original five. But then later on, it was just me, my sisters, and my mom. You see, I had a very intense relationship with my father growing up. You know, soon after the original picture was taken, my parents went through a series of separation that led to eventually a divorce, but then they tried it again. They got remarried, but then they got divorced again. You know, so it was a lot of back and forth that obviously was not healthy between my father and I. My father lied on a lot of things. He made promises that he did not keep. And he hurt my mom and my sister, including myself, in many areas and many situations. So eventually, I had to learn how to forgive my father. And I know that forgiveness is easier said than done. But where you can begin with forgiveness is the forgiveness of Jesus Christ. I just wanna ask you to at least start there. Have you received the forgiveness of Jesus Christ in your own life? And do you understand it? Do you understand how wide, how deep that forgiveness goes? And have you asked God, with whoever relationship you're having a conflict with, hey God, help me eventually forgive this person? Because those were my first words. First, I went from, I didn't want to forgive, which rises to, God bless you. And then I went to, God, I don't wanna forgive, but help me learn how to forgive. Help me eventually forgive. And then I eventually moved on to actually forgiving my father. And let me tell you guys, did any of his actions really influence my forgiveness part? It didn't. Not one, to this day, he hasn't apologized. According to him, it's just, it is life, it's his life. Yeah, it is what it is. So it wasn't his actions of redeeming the relationship or being apologetic that allowed me to forgive him. No, it was Jesus Christ's influence in my heart and in my life that allowed me to move past bitterness, anger, and just holding grudges. Because believe it or not, while any other person that has hurt you, whether it be your parents or your friends or the like, they're probably just living their best life. Meanwhile, you're just here, all grumbling and hurting, and then it overflows out, because hurt people hurt people, and then you end up hurting more people because you're hurt too. And then here comes Jesus saying, hey, you're free. You're out of this prison of bitterness, of angerness, of unforgiveness. And the door is wide open. And then now it's really up to us to just actually walk through the door and say, you know what, I'm gonna receive the freedom of forgiveness Christ has given to me. In Genesis chapter 50, verse 19, we're gonna stay real quick about the story of Joseph. Joseph forgave his brothers. And it says here, but Joseph said to them, do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good. To bring it about, many people should be kept alive as they are today. You see, in the story of Joseph, his brothers hated him so much that they sold him to slavery. And eventually, Joseph ended up in prison, and eventually, he ended up in the highest ruling authority's palace, and then he became second in command. See, God elevated Joseph. See, God had a plan for Joseph, and he used the evil actions that happened in his life, though horrible as it was, and it sucks. I never want to be the person to ever minimize anybody's experience, any type of situation you're going through. But I do want to challenge you, like how are you going to move on? When are you going to move on? And are you gonna allow God to help you move on from it? Eventually, Joseph had an encounter with his brother. He's decked out, he's not in his slavery chains anymore, but he's been decked out many years, and his family comes because they were hungry, and they're impoverished, and now here's Joseph living the life, and then he recognizes them, but then they don't recognize him. You see, when the power of Christ and power of God works through you, and especially when you allow forgiveness to flow through you, some people may not even recognize you. I guarantee you that once you guys start interacting with your parents as peacemakers, they're gonna be like, what the heck happened to you? What drugs are you on? Because there might be such a huge difference that they don't know who the heck are they raising, but rather, you're just leaning onto God more. You're trusting God more. And so, I'm gonna end it with this, because we're almost running out of time, but I did want to talk about boundaries, and this is very important. Sometimes when somebody crosses a boundary, it doesn't mean they do not respect you. It just means maybe they weren't aware of the line that had been crossed. And even if after you communicate with that person in a respectful way about how you want to be treated is not respected, then I recommend bringing in a third person to mediate between the two of you guys and to dive deeper as to why boundaries aren't being respected. And I'm talking about intentionally, somebody just crossing that line with you, rubbing you the wrong way. I encourage you to just give them the benefit of the doubt before you release your wrath upon them. Whether it be your parents, friends, or anything like that. Hey, what you said back there kind of hurt a little bit. No, it's the way we communicate with people matters. It's not like, yo, you better back up! You know, or like, yo, mom, no, it's not cool! Like, just yelling back. I can tell you guys, as a parent, my son is five years old, and when he starts the sentence, oh, I think you should, I'm like, I think you should stop talking right now. You know, it's like, first of all, I don't think, he doesn't have a place where he thinks that what I should do, but what it is, it's just trying to, he's trying his best to communicate his needs, but he hasn't learned how to do it in a proper way. So then I teach him, hey, buddy, is there something that you want? Yes, well, first of all, don't start off the sentence with I think you should. Trust me, that will rub off anybody the wrong way when you tell them what to do. But rather, just communicate them like, hey, I have this specific need. Hey, I am hurting. I am hungry. I would like to go with my friends. I would like to do this. And then encourage the conversation with your parents or whoever, like, how can I do this? And if they straight up say no, what's the number one key point? Or was it one of one? Yes, listen and understand their perspective. Just try it out. Just understand where they're coming from, why they're saying no. It's not for you to challenge and get upset, even though it is your right, because you were like, man, you really wanted to do it, but listen to understand. Maybe there may be another opportunity for you to do it. And I know I'm kind of being vague here because you guys are so different. Everybody's different. Everybody goes to different things, and it'll be all night for me to go through different type of scenarios. So one last thing, thought for the week. What is one thing you can do to bring peace to your family this week with those keys? So I challenge you to just think through that and also take that thought with you as you guys break up into your small group. Father, thank you so much for this night. I pray that these words and these lessons from your word, Lord, may impact our lives and for the better. And I pray that there are healthy conversations back home as well, as you are transforming each and every single life here. I pray the time in small group may be wonderful, may be just fruitful. In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray, amen.