Faithbase

Hey, guys. So I am excited for this new series that we are in called Community. And it's important for us to understand what that means. It's important for us to know what does the Bible teaches us about community, about friendships, about relationships with our parents, with our friends, with and also what type of relationship should we really be seeking out? I'm not going to be talking about couples' relationships this series, but that will be maybe for another time. And I'm pretty sure some of you guys, yeah, I see you guys putting away your notebooks. It's still going to be a good message, right? Just relax. So we're kicking off the series, as you guys know. And today I wanted to just talk about community. Oh, by the way, happy 2-2-2-2 day, if you guys didn't know. Shout out to you for bringing us cookies and milk for us to celebrate, because apparently cookies and milk are a great pair. Is that the tagline? Is that what I'm understanding? Yeah, cool. So I want to talk about my series of friendships real quick. So when I was in high school, I had a group of guys that I hung out with almost practically every, not second, but almost every minute of the day if we weren't in class and stuff like that. And we were called the bros, as people would know us by. It was me and five other guys. And scary enough, we actually even followed the bro code. I don't know if you guys know what that is. And as a Christian, even looking back and us following that bro code in that type of way, I realized that we were following that thing kind of in a religious way. There was even one of us that was dedicated if there was ever a rule or a discussion or a dispute over something. There was one guy that had the PDF on his phone like, no, rule number 37 said this, so we kind of have to abide by that. I'm glad we kind of slowly stopped that in the three years. That's how long I knew them during that time in high school that we stopped. But during that time that I know them, it was such a great friendship that I remember. I remember that it was also that type of friendship that carried me through one of the most difficult times in my life when I was in high school. And now looking back, I'm realizing that only me and another dude of that group of friends were Christians, that were actually going to church and reading the Bible and praying to Jesus Christ and deepening our relationship with Jesus Christ. So we never actually even forced it down to our other three friends that were in that group. And in fact, it was such a weird dynamic that one guy would curse all the time. Another guy was doing something he shouldn't be doing off to the side. It was such different lifestyles. But me and this other guy tried to make sure that it didn't allow us to get affected by them. We held each other accountable. So that one main dude held me accountable to my walk with Christ. But we made it in a seemingly way like, hey, we shouldn't live in a bubble either. These three other guys, they stuck out their neck for us. They were there for us in the time of our need. They may not be Christians, but they had really great qualities of a friendship. And of course, when that kind of line kind of stopped, we had each other at least to be held accountable to the gospel of Jesus Christ. When we came to our senior year, some of those group of guys, they were seniors. So it was really sad to see two of them go off. So it's kind of like that breaking off. And I'm pretty sure some of you guys are going to experience that also later this year. And let me tell you, it does suck. That whole song, na, na, na, na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye. Please don't act like you don't know that song. All right. Good. All right. Some of you guys are like, don't do that again, right? He's like, no, no, we don't know that. Here in the South, he's going to pull off that tagline again. I'm like, you need to stop, all right? Cool. You're awesome, though. I like the confidence. So today we're going to really hone down what does friendships look like. So let's take a look at different levels of friends. So some of us here have social media. Some of us don't. I'm not going to assume that all of us do. Back in my days, we had MySpace. You know, we were able to put HTML coding and had, you know, hey, welcome to my page. You know, like put voice recording to our page. We would literally come to the social media page and you could hear my voice and listen to my favorite song. I'm sorry. I'm just kind of dating myself. So here today, Facebook and Instagram, we see that some people have like thousands of friends. Some people have like 900. Some people have 500. But really, how well do you know any of those people? So first we have acquaintances. So I want you guys to imagine a very big outer circle. We have acquaintances. And these are the people you meet, you know, here and there. Maybe you have one class with. There are people your parents introduce you to, but you're like, hey, hey. And then you guys just don't even talk afterwards. The occasional scene passing by in a hallway, you have a class with them. And this is a wildly diverse group of people, the acquaintances. Like some of them are Christians. Some of them are not. Some of them are just work relationships. Some of you guys are in the work field, so you guys know how that is. You know, like you're forced to work with people that you really don't really want to get to know, but you're stuck with them for like five hours. You guys are not, because you guys know what I'm talking about. Or maybe you guys are like, you know, I met this one guy at Coachella, and then we became BFFs immediately. Like, oh, my gosh. Like, you know, just because you guys like the same song. Like those are like acquaintances. They're not really that deep of a friendship. Next in the circle within the acquaintances, we have your, like, general friends. Now, these friends are, there's some key differences. These are friends that know you. You know, you go to the movies together. You guys are probably in the same sports, team together, football, softball, volleyball. Or you guys are in, like, probably in improv or drama or theater. You guys hang out. You guys know how to have a good time. And you guys probably follow each other on Instagram. You know, you guys like each other's pictures and stuff like that. You guys probably stalk each other in some type of weird way also. But you guys are just friends with all sorts of people. There's a lot of mutual connections. But, again, it's still not that deep. So a lot of people fall into that category. And oftentimes we think, yeah, I can kind of picture a lot of people within that circle. Not so much as the acquaintances, but in that friend circle. So let's go a little bit more deeper into the circle. So the third circle right after the general friend circle is your really close friends. You know, close friends, you like actually hanging out with them. They're not just people that you are in the same room together. Excuse me. You know, if you need a ride somewhere, you actually call them for that ride. If you trust them with their driving skills. You know, if you need somebody to talk to, but not in the middle of a high school ministry meeting event. You get to talk to them. You know, you guys are able to communicate with each other through text messaging. I know today you guys don't call each other. You just send emojis and stuff like that. You guys have inside jokes. And you guys only have a very few of these close friends. And I suppose it is more important that these are more of a positive influence of your life. So these friends actually have a say in the communications that you guys have on a daily with other people. So now we're going to get into a little bit more deeper than that. You're like, man, we can actually go deeper into that friendship circle? We can. We got acquaintances. We got the general friends. We got close friends. And then you have your community. So that's more of the inner circle. And that's what we're going to be really talking about this series. Now, this is what I want you guys to concentrate on today. Your inner circle. And it's the place where you feel the most known. Like you're like, man, that person knows me very well. They know what I like. They know what I don't like. They know my pet peeves. You guys have done life together. Not just hang out here at church, but you guys hang out at school, at home, during lunchroom time. You guys probably have some classes together on purpose just to be able to hang out with each other. And that type of friendship is one where we got to filter out. And we got to make sure and protect that inner circle of community. And we can actually go one more deeper one. But we're not going to talk about that deeper one. It's your BFF. It's that one person that knows you intimately. And for you guys in your age, it's probably just that one general guy or one general girl that knows you very well. For adults, it's probably an even closer relationship. It could be your spouse. It could be sometimes our parents turn out to be our best friends because they realize, man, you really do know me. Like, yeah, I've been saying that all your life. But for you guys in your age, it probably could even be your brother and sisters. I was pretty close to my sisters at your age. And I remember during the most heartbreaking relationships that I had, not Jackie, obviously. I ended up marrying her. That I remember the first thing I did, I ran to my sisters. Like, I told them that I had a really bad breakup. And I told my sisters to meet outside of the house. And I was, like, crying my eyes out. And then my mom was, like, I was so embarrassed that my mom would even, like, know. I just told her to just go back inside the house. And at that moment, both my older sisters comforted. I remember it was a very good core memory. And sometimes that's the type of relationships in your community. Somebody you can actually be there to catch you when you fall. So every once in a while, these circles get messed up. Let's be real. You know, maybe you're hiking somewhere near, you know, in the Smoky Mountains. And then you twisted your ankle and you almost fell off the cliff. But then some random strangers caught you and then saved your life. And then you're kind of like, hey, oh, my gosh. We're immediately best friends for a moment. You know, not so much. You don't know who this guy is. You don't know who this person, where they came from. He just carried, that person just carried really great qualities of relationship for a split second of a moment in that time. Or maybe we got, maybe you guys share similar interests. Whether it be music, maybe a type of likes or dislikes. And you really click with that person. But then you realize that's just, like, 1% of the person you really like. So when, for the most part, you got the people that you sort of know, which is the acquaintance, the people in the circle, general friends, and the people in the inner circle, which is your community. And I think the stuff we covered today will be helpful for all of them. But I really want you guys to concentrate on how to build a great community. So let's go through some life applications. So here are three ways to build great community around you. So the first one, great community requires self-sacrifice. And I know that in a generation that is, that wants to be all about me, me, me, that's kind of a hard pill to swallow. You want to look out for yourself. And sometimes in the world they say, like, hey, this is a dog-eat-dog world. All you got to do is just step over people and get to go where you need to go. But the gospel, that's not how it's presented. It is easier to live for yourself. And some people think that the purpose of the people around you is to make you more popular, make your life easier, and that the world revolves around you. But that couldn't be more farther from the truth. So I wanted to share real quick, like, when I met Jackie, I remember her qualities as a person that was so caring and so loving towards other people and as well as her conviction in Christ. I even remember, and I remember I shared this with her, that on the altar I remember the exact thoughts that I was thinking, like, man, I can't wait to experience life with Jackie because I can't wait to see what qualities that are going to improve in my life. And that might kind of sound sweet, but really after analyzing for a couple of years, it was kind of self-centered because really what that sounds like is I can't wait to see what you will impact in my life. And you probably think, like, man, you married a person, that type of thought process, like, hey, we're not perfect, guys. So obviously in our first four years of marriage, we definitely got to know each other much more better in how we thought and how we acted towards each other. And I realized, like, man, marriage is really about the person that you are marrying. It's not about you. And I know that's probably going over your heads right now because you guys are not in that stage of life, but I'm just trying to communicate an example of what self-sacrifice looks like. So let's take a quick look on John chapter 15. It says, this is my commandment. Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends. So what would it look like if you lay down your own motives, your own agenda for your friends? So when you guys actually meet up with a group of people, are you actually there because you were just there, because you were there for your own motives, your own agenda, or were you actually there to be an influence into somebody else's life? Now, each of these principles that we're going to be looking for, which is the points, there's some action steps. So the action steps for great community that requires self-sacrifice is service. So the expression of action step of self-sacrifice is service. So you guys are probably thinking like, how in the world am I supposed to do that? For a lot of people today, we really don't look out in a way with how can I serve somebody today. It kind of sounds ancient. It kind of sounds like a whole timeline of things. But reality, the gospel teaches that we should put people above ourselves in a way that we love them through the acts of service that we can give them. So let's take a look at number two. So great community requires loyalty. Now, this is very interesting. So Proverbs chapter 17, it says, A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in a time of need. Let me tell you guys, I can probably count the amount of people in my life that really have shown up in such a way that expresses the word loyalty. I remember when Jackie was in the hospital with our first child, Izzy, and because she was sick, and we were supposed to have a baby shower. So having a baby shower without the pregnant lady, guys, it's like having a wedding without the bride. Like I was... bawling my eyes out, I was crying, and then my closest friends were trying to keep me in check, and then the closest friends to us actually showed up because news got around saying that, oh, Jackie ended up in the hospital, so is there gonna be even a baby shower? It was kind of sad because from the hundred of people that we invited, only like 30 showed up. And then as sad as that may sound in the whole experience, it really showed Jackie and I who were our friends, as far as commitment and loyalty. But loyalty also doesn't mean letting friends get away with things. So I don't want you guys to get confused with loyalty with like, oh, I'm just gonna do whatever you ask me to. There's some people out there that really like to take advantage of other people's, and that type of expression, it doesn't start when you're an adult. It sometimes even starts when you're in middle school or in high school. We call them sometimes haters or predators or people who just honestly just carry around so much burden that they project it onto other people like, hey, I need you to do this for me. Hey, I need you to be there. Hey, I'm calling you on your phone. Hey, I'm telling you all these texts. And then sometimes that can be communicated as what? Needy. Gimme, gimme, gimme, me, me, me, my, my, my. And what I really want you guys to understand that with loyalty comes with proper boundaries. And that's very important for you guys to understand. When you guys are going through different types of friendship, you realize you do need to place certain boundaries with people, even in your age, even in high school. Because some people, what they'll do is that they'll try to trample over you. And then they'll put their emotions over you. And then you carry their burdens. And then you carry their pain. But hey, we weren't meant to carry somebody else's pain. We weren't meant to carry somebody else's burdens. We were meant to help somebody through those journeys whenever they are hurt or when they are facing difficulties. But if you see that somebody's just literally draining you day in and day out, it's okay to help them. It's okay to be there as a friend. But it's okay to also tell them, hey, I'm tired. Hey, I'm really, I'm going through something, too. And we both can't be on a sinking ship right now. And I know that sometimes that's hard to say because you don't want to upset the person. And I know that some of us struggle with that, too, with saying that, hey, I don't like upsetting people. But with loyalty comes with boundaries. And with boundaries, you can't be afraid of that type of form of rejection. So that is a really important golden nugget, especially for you guys. Because as soon as you say the words to somebody that you're setting boundaries and that you're telling them, hey, I need a break, or hey, I just need some time, they will either blow up on you because they're seeing it as a form of rejection or they're saying, oh, you hate me. Oh, you don't like me. Oh, we're not friends. No, no, that's not at all. I just need some space, please. It's totally okay, you guys, to communicate with somebody like, hey, I just need some space. So let's look at another proverb right here. It says, wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy. What that basically means is sometimes we gotta be straight up honest in our friendship circles, and that's especially when we put up those boundaries, especially when we're trying to communicate like, hey, if this friendship is gonna work, if I'm gonna commit to you, if I'm gonna show self-sacrifice, I'm gonna show service, I'm gonna show loyalty to you, then we also gotta be honest with each other. We can't live a life with each other where it's all fake and we're just trying to get through it for social media likes and doing these type of things because the longer you do that, you realize you're gonna carry a facade and an image that's just gonna collapse over you and nobody wants to be in that type of position. It hurts a lot. So what does that look like as far as the expression and application of loyalty? So the word here is commitment. And now the word commitment scares a lot of people, even adults, guys, just so you know. So the word commitment, how it looks like with friendships is basically how far are you gonna go with this person, honestly, you know? How far are you gonna go with them with their pains? How far are you gonna go with them through their victories? When they're winning, are you committed to standing there on the sideline applauding them and just cheering them on? And when they're hurting, are you gonna commit to just carrying them through that season? And this is why small groups is such a big deal for us. I know that there might be a lot of some new people coming into small groups, especially during this time, but I encourage you guys, when you guys are in your small groups, that you find that community within your small groups. It's important. I'm telling you guys, it's a rarity for a group of people to just get together and actually talk about self-sacrifice, loyalty, commitment, and love, and service to one another. So I want you guys to, in your small groups, to be intentional, to understand that those people that are there, the other students that are across from you, they're here because they wanna learn about God just as much as you. Like there is no, like there shouldn't be any type of judgment. There shouldn't be any type of rejection. There shouldn't be any type of rule like, no, you can't say that here. No, we don't wanna hear about your emotions. No, we don't. No, this should be a place where we can be heard when we're going through whatever journey we're on. And within your small groups and with your small group leaders, that's where we are being held accountable to each other in that type of way. So and the third one and the last one is the great community requires love. And I'm not talking about a type of that is an affection love, that isn't a type of like a boyfriend, girlfriend, or marital type of love, but rather a brotherly love. If you want great community, you have to love each other. If you have to love each other when somebody is missing from the group and then you're texting them and then following up with them saying like, hey, you know, you weren't here at Fuel tonight. Is everything okay? That's a form of love and commitment, just following up with a person to show that you care about them. You have to love when somebody even doesn't deserve it. You know, when somebody, God bless you. When somebody causes frustration within the group, you love them, again, not in a type of boyfriend, girlfriend love, but a brotherly love that comes, you know, from Jesus Christ. And what they, instead of them being kicked off of a group, instead of them being kicked off of a WhatsApp group, you actually personally reach out to them like, hey, is everything okay? You know, sometimes when we experience frustration with friendships, if you really get down to the ball, to the nitty gritty of it, in the majority of the time, it wasn't even about you two. It's probably something that they're really struggling with in their own personal life, and all they needed was somebody to approach them, say like, hey, are you all right? Are you okay? Is everything okay at home? How's school? Like, some really intentional questions that we can ask, instead of just going like, hey, what's going on? Hey, what's up? All right, cool, cool. This is a good time now for you guys to really see the community around you, to really see, to solidify a community around you that is great for you guys. Now, I'm a counselor, and my wife is a therapist, and we've talked countless times about the different types of people that we've counseled and provided therapy to, and we kind of gotten down, not that this is an exact science, but it is so important for a support system in somebody's life, you know? So in this series, not just for today, today we're talking about friends around us, but next we're gonna be talking about another source of community. It's important for us to have a good support system. And oftentimes, for us to be realized if we have a good support system or not, we gotta see, is this person giving self-sacrifice? Are they giving service to me? Are they loyal? Are they committed to me? And do they love me with a brotherly love, no matter what situation I'm going through? Or are they gonna bail out on me in the last second? Or were they just there for a split second just because they were trying to use me? Or were they just there because they were so needy that I was, you know, kind of wide open to be able to give them that type of expression? But again, we're not supposed to be carrying people's burdens in that type of way. We're supposed to be carrying it in a community. So here's a bonus one about when it comes to community. And this one is a real key and a real big one. Great community requires forgiveness. And that one really boils down between also you and Jesus Christ. When you experience the forgiveness of Jesus Christ in your life, you understand how wide and how deep that forgiveness goes into your life. And to be able to give mercy and grace and compassion to those who are around you who have hurt you. Next week, we're gonna be talking about certain groups of people that, unfortunately, we can't pick and choose. We're gonna be specifically talking about our parents, our brothers, and our sisters. And those people we can't pick and choose, we can pick and choose our friends. And the word forgiveness is gonna be a pretty big one there. So if that's something that's in your heart and that's something that's in your thoughts that you're just having a hard time wrapping your mind around how to move forward, that you don't wanna miss out next week, and definitely bring somebody with you as well. So one last thought. Are you giving your community your all? Or are you just showing up here to eat Oreos and milk? No, it's tempting. You know, I love the fact that you guys are here. And I don't take it for granted that you guys show up here. You could honestly be anywhere else on a Wednesday night. But the fact you are here, it shows me that, hey, you wanna know something more about God. And you are seeking a community to be part of. Not just with the friends that you brought with, but even those friends to be part of a bigger community that is bigger than all of us. You know, God's community. So with that last thought, something during worship really came to my mind. And it's already 7.34, but really quick. The word isolation came to my mind. It is very important for especially you guys at your age, that isolation is not part of your vocabulary. That isolation is not part of the rhythms of your life. Because around your age, or around anybody's age really, isolation can also be a very bad habit that causes you to go through other series of unhealthy habits. So that's why it's so important to be part of a community so you can be held accountable, so that you can receive love, and so that God can use others to show his love for you as well. So if that's you as well, if you feel like you're being isolated, or you have isolated, you just are stuck in your room, you just go to school, and then when you get home, you just stay home. Or maybe you just like being by yourself. I'm gonna challenge that real quick, you guys. Because for the past couple years, I've always heard people like, yeah, I just like being by myself. Let me tell you something. We're not supposed to do life alone. So the whole liking being by yourself is good for a specific period, for a specific margin of rest. But if you like being alone all the time, 24-7, stuck at home, or just don't want to talk to anybody, let me tell you guys, that's a little bit of a red flag. It means you're kind of afraid of that commitment. It means you don't want to be around people to be able to act on self-sacrifice, to act on love. So I really want you guys to challenge those thoughts. So if you are living in a lifestyle that you just don't have people around you because you're purposely pushing people away, please talk to somebody. And let's see how we can get you through that. So you guys are gonna be breaking up into your small groups right now, and I want you guys to really have these conversations. There's some pretty good questions in the guidelines for the leaders, and it's to be able to open up, like where you are in your point in life with your friendships, and for you to challenge that. Let me tell you, when you follow Christ, there's gonna be some people where God is gonna remove them out of your life because, honestly, they're not that good for you. Those group of guys that I was really close with for those three years, I still talk to them every now and then, but God convicted me in realizing that their lifestyle wasn't the type of godly lifestyle that God was calling me to. So eventually, I had to just kind of let that go and then gravitate towards other friends that held me accountable to my marriage, held me accountable as a husband, held me accountable as a father, and held me accountable as a human being in the kingdom of God. So I pray that this message and the life applications that we were talking about today really cements into your heart, and if you have any other further questions, speak to your small group leader, okay? So let me just pray this out. Father, thank you so much for this night. Thank you for allowing us to just look deeper into what friendships look like through your lens. I ask that there be meaningful conversations through the night in small groups, and we praise your name, Lord, and we can't wait to gather again next week. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.